Yes Way Rosé
Tuesday November 20, 2018

Bachelorette Finalé: I Left My Lashes in Rioja

As we come to the (3-hour, live) end of this season, we want to say a huge thank you to our deeply insightful and always hilarious recappers, Fia Alvarez and Josh Allen, for keeping it real with us on The Final Rosé Report. Read on to hear them discuss the strange end of a wild season.

Suggested Pairing: Travel with Rachel and her boys to Rioja in your mouth with Bodega Muga’s Rosado, one of our faves!

JOSH: And this one is for all the marbles, ladies and gentlemen. I can’t believe we’re already here. It seems like just yesterday that we were dealing with Whaabooom, giant tickle hands, and something vaguely resembling the puppet from the Saw movies. Time flies when you’re drunk on #summerwater.

FIA: I kind of can’t believe when we start this episode that we are still in fantasy suites. Also there’s a new format here where Rachel is watching the episode live with Chris Harrison. Here’s my theory on the switch –  BiP was scheduled to start airing August 8th. Obviously, that schedule was pushed for reasons we need not get into, we all know what they are and it is a conversation for another recap. Wanting to have no bi-week between Rachel’s finale and the start of BiP – they had to stretch what should have been two episodes (fantasy suites, finale) into three. That means there was not enough content to play out this finale w/o breaking away to these mini-chats with Rachel and Chris Harrison. Now, this is only my theory – who knows – but that said – I kind of loved this. I liked having Rachel comment in the moment. I liked how she talked to Eric and Peter right after having to watch their goodbyes (although I was peeved that Peter coming out ruined the suspense that he might Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate her engagement to Bryan.) And I really liked – though this goes back two eps and was just because Rachel’s sis was preg – that the Lindsays met all three of the final dudes in their family home which seems more appropriate, intense and real than the vacation setting. So we had some change-ups this season. I would expect nothing less from my favorite Bachelorette – whom I am choosing to believe when she says she’s living her best life – even if we were all hoping her best life would have looked a little different. More

Episode 9: Meet the Parents Part Deux

This week we watch the remaining three contestants meet Rach’s parents, here’s Josh Allen recapping all the awkward family drama.

Suggested pairing: Keep it all in the fam with Lorenza, a delightful California rosé made by mother/daughter team Melinda Kearny and Michele Ouellet.

JOSH: And then there were three. Rachel had to say goodbye to Dean after Hometowns, a decision I totally support given that Dean tried to use an ABC reality show as family therapy. For now, my money is on him to be the next Bachelor. More on that later.

Interesting that Peter goes first, since he’s the one with the emotional hurdle to clear. I’m sure it was a relief for Peter to see that interracial marriages are far from unprecedented in Rachel’s family. Part of me wants to think Rachel made sure her white aunt and white brother-in-law were there so she could be clear it’s not a big deal. Between this and Peter introducing Rach to all his black friends in Wisconsin, I’m starting to get weirded out a little. More

Episode 8: Hometowns go to BALTIMORE/ Dean’s dad

Suggested paring for this week: Meeting your significant other’s family is always tricky, but you can’t go wrong if you bring a Domaine Tempier Bandol Rosé. Classic. Chic AF. and Delicious.

Below, recap by our beloved Sofia Alvarez rolling solo this week:

Hello Bachelor Rosé Nation – Our beloved Josh Allen is under both the weather and a deadline so I am flying solo this week. And what a week it was! Hometowns are always one of my favorite weeks and this was the hometown to top them all.

I feel as if hometowns are usually largely the same. We are in some version of a suburban McMansion and drama is – will the dad like me? Will the judgmental sister like me? A mother tells her contestant child that they deserve love. Parents are for the most part still married. And if they are not – it’s something that must be commented on. I will never forget when Chris Soules went to Kaitlyn’s hometown and couldn’t believe that though she had divorced parents her home didn’t appear to be “broken”. Barf.

But here we had actual variety in the kinds of families we saw and it made for one of the most interesting hometowns we’ve ever seen. We all know the bachelor franchise is prone to hyperbole (THE MOST DRAMATIC X WE’VE EVER SEEN!). But Rachel’s season is deserving of the hype. Not only is she herself a stunning lead who the world has yet to turn on (no easy feat at this point in the season, when in years past the lead has already crossed the river from beloved to reviled) but her final four men are all quite different from one another and still it doesn’t seem like she is faking emotions with any of them. More

Episode 7: Bentleys, Breitlings and Bubblé

Suggested Rosé Pairing: Join in on the bubbles fun with something a little pinker than the complimentary champs at the Breitling store. Try Bellus Wines La Vie en Bulles, made by one of our faves Jordan Salcito.

Here’s Fia Alvarez and Josh Allen on this week’s action!

JOSH: So now we’re down to six suitors as we head to Geneva, Switzerland, which means that the stakes are getting higher, but not nearly as high as Rachel’s budget for waterproof mascara. And I just realized that with only six suitors left, I still blank on the names of two of them. That can’t bode well. I’m like, hey Peter, sup Eric, how you doin’ Bryan, yo Dean, and then… crickets.

FIA: I feel this is as much a the fault of editing this season as anything else. Usually when we are down to six we have spent plenty of camera time with everyone. But Adam and Matt??? Seriously, who are these people? Have we ever been shown one-on-one time with either of them? A group date, a cocktail party? Anything. I think over the course of the season more screen time and interviews have been given to Adam’s creepy doll from night one than to Adam himself. More

Episodes 5+6: GAGGING. ON. THE ELEGANZA.

We have 4 hours of television to recap here, so let’s cut right to it…This week’s pairing suggestion: VRAC in a 3L box, which comes out to one bottle per hour! You’re welcome.

FIA: Josh, I wish I was as smart as you and had thought to split my analysis between the eps, but instead I waited til the last minute and now am trying to remember four hours of this mess chronologically. Apologies in advance for inconsistencies, but a note to ABC – airing two full episodes on back-to-back nights because the NBA finals got you off schedule does not a “two-night special” make. Although, I was happy to see that in the second of this week’s offerings we are (finally) back to ending episodes with the rose ceremony.

JOSH: It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I started this week’s episode with a knot in my stomach. Like I seriously was shaking as I pressed play on my DVR. I know that the Bachelor franchise is not the place to go for responsibly produced television, but I expected, I don’t know… some modicum of decency from the people behind this show. I do not buy that no one knew about Lee’s buck-wild social media insanity before they cast him. It’s part of due diligence in the casting process. More

Episode 4: Spelling Bae

Welcome back Fia and Josh, it has been quite a week for the Bachelor franchise, but the show must go on! Read on to hear what our resident experts have to say about Ep 4. and what we paired with it.

Suggested pairing: Good luck spelling this one, boys…Ameztoi Txakolina Rosato Rubentis 2016.

JOSH: Okay, so I have to start this week’s recap by pointing out that this has been one of the most, if not the most dramatic seasons in this show’s whole history. Between Lee’s, um, checkered past on social media to the whole controversy surrounding whatever went down between DeMario and Corinne on the set of Bachelor in Paradise, these past few weeks have been pretty wild for those of us who call Bachelor Nation home. And here I thought casting Rachel would be the most newsworthy thing to happen this year.

FIA: If only. I enjoyed this article from Claire Fallon and Emma Gray on this same subject. What I find particularly distressing here is that ABC is using Lee’s hate filled manipulations to drum up drama as if this were business as usual. I cringed when I saw that next week will bring a two-on-one between Kenny and Lee. Lee’s actions are not the equivalent of claiming someone does not know what the words “emotional intelligence” means (as was the source of drama in last season’s two-on-one between Taylor and Corinne). I have always said that I find the Bachelor/ette franchise to be one of the most interesting social experiments currently being performed publicly. The social experiment I show up for is the one where twenty-five men or women actually start to believe they are falling in love with the lead simply by being help captive for six weeks. This is the stuff the Brothers Grimm were writing about! Fairy Tale is an apt metaphor for this show not because of the limos and roses but because of how dark most fairy tales actually are (and how many involve some form of captivity). But I do not need (or want) a reality show to highlight what might happen when you allow a textbook racist to bait, patronize and lie to a room full of black men and then have the gall to call it entertainment. More

Episode 3: Save the Drama for DeMario

Josh and Sofia are back for week 3 of The Final Rosé Report and are getting into it with the DRAMA. The season is heating up and so is their commentaré. Read along for this week’s recap.

Suggested Pairing for Episode 3: Wölffer Estate Rosé 2016, the ideal label and wine to sip while traveling along Rodeo Drive on horseback.

JOSH: Okay, there comes a time in our blogging lives when we need to address the real-life messiness of these contestants. Now is such a time.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/lee-garrett-tweets-abc-first-black-bachelorette_us_592e3470e4b0e95ac194e127

Fia and I discussed at length how to handle this and we decided that we’d be remiss if we didn’t address this once and keep it moving. I, for one, find it insane that these producers didn’t scour the social media of every single contestant, especially during such a history-making season as this one. But it’s also entirely possible (or highly likely) that the producers knew exactly what Lee was all about but cast him anyway so that clickbait articles would be written and so that we would be talking about it right now. The previews for next week’s episode lead me to believe this is the more probable scenario. Which, if true, is extremely problematic. Were they that worried that they wouldn’t have good enough television this season? Anyway, on to the show…

“In order to experience joy, you need pain.”

Not exactly accurate, but it’s apparently one of DeMario’s favorite quotes that he spouts during his desperate attempt to talk his way back into the house and into Rachel’s heart. Then he goes on to replay the conversation he had with his Uber driver on his way over. But none of it is enough to win Rachel back. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we are seeing one of our strongest, most no-bullshit Bachelorettes ever.

SOFIA: As far as crimes in the bachelor/ette universe go – DeMario’s seems pretty standard issue. The red flag for me is not that he has a recent, ghosted ex in the wings, but that he choose to date someone like Lexi in the first place. That girl is nuts. And then, how he kept wanting to talk over Rachel when she’d clearly heard enough. That said, as much as I was hoping to see DeMario stick around for my viewing pleasure – I LOVE the way Rachel handled this. How empowering that the whole house of men came out hoping to “protect” her but she had already taken care of herself and thus shut down the crowd of knights in waiting with a simple, boss, “thanks but I’m good.” More

Bachelorette Ep 2: No Firetrucking Around

Welcome to week 2 of The Final Rosé Report, our weekly coverage of the new season of The Bachelorette. We are still pumped to have Sofia Alvarez (playwright and screenwriter) and Josh Allen (writer for EMPIRE) here to share their brilliant and sometimes bitchy thoughts with us. Check out their brilliant recap and our pairing ideas below to make sure you’re stocked up for episode 2 properly.

Suggested Pairing for Episode 2: We suggest our very own Summer Water to pair with this week’s ep for three reasons. 1. It’s delicious and works well with any activity, even basketball (shoutout Barclay’s Center). 2. I want Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis to know about it, this is the main reason tbh, and 3. It’s something Rachel can take back to her room to hydrate with in between kicking off DeMario and that nighttime date.

JOSH: Welcome to another week of Rachel Lindsay’s journey to find love on the border of Ventura County.

I made a grievous error. This week’s drinking game phrase should have been “right reasons.” I anticipated busting out that drinking game phrase for week four or five, but these guys are way more serious than I could ever have imagined. Also I would have applied for The Bachelorette if I knew they’d be serving Moscow Mules at noon.

FIA: Ah yes, if Chris Harrison walks into the house and tells semi-circle point blank: “I hope you all are here for the right reasons” you just KNOW there is a scorned ex-girlfriend in a producer van chomping at the bit.

Also, can we take a moment to wonder what behind-the-scenes middle-school-handwriting-phenom was fired because for the first time since I started watching this show (Ben F’s season) the handwriting on those date cards has CHANGED! More

Yes Way Rachel Lindsay!

Welcome to the first installment of The Final Rosé Report, our weekly coverage of the new season of The Bachelorette. We are honored to have two esteemed and hilarious guest writers to give you weekly recaps, so please welcome Sofia Alvarez and Josh Allen, aka the artists formerly known as Playwrights Discuss the Bachelor. Catch up here on last week’s season premiere, and stay tuned for more on the second episode later this week.

Suggested Pairing for Episode 1: Hoxie Spritzer. The first night is always a long one at the mansion, and with these yummy low-alcohol rosé spritzers you can keep up with the contestants ’til the first rose ceremony at sunrise.

Meet your fearless recappers, Sofia + Josh:

SOFIA ALVAREZ: After a post-Kaitlyn hiatus we are back! We just couldn’t fathom blogging thru boring Ben, Jojo’s taste in men who resembled roided up vanilla wafers, or Nick’s selfie addiction. Plus our friends at YWR promised us a fountain full of #summerwater if we agreed to succumb to our fans demands and reboot our blog over here at The Yes Way Report. How could we say no?

JOSH ALLEN: I am happy about a lot of things.

I am happy about teaming up with Yes Way Rosé. I am happy about rosé in general. And most importantly, I am happy about reuniting with my sister from another mister to recap an already historic season of the Bachelorette. In the 33 combined seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, there has never been a lead of color. Sure, we’ve had various contestants of color, but never one as well-known and well-liked as Rachel. Also, she’s a former First Impression Rose winner.

I am also extremely happy about a Bachelorette named Rachel Lindsay. Every Bachelorette should have two first names that are both sorority girl names. More

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